Are you the person responsible for....

OK, I hate talking to people on the phone at the best of times.  In fact, I'll go to great lengths to avoid speaking to people on the phone. 

If a number comes up that I don't recognize, or it's blocked - then I won't answer it as chances are it's someone that I perceive as a pest! 

I also have the philosophy that if it's really important, then they will leave a message - and if the message is from someone that I want or need to respond to - then I'll email (not phone) them back.

As good as I am at avoiding nuisance phone calls however - you just get some persistent people sometimes who simply won't give up or take no for an answer.  Occasionally people like this manage to slip through my very tight net and get me on the line!

The worst example of this is usually when I am at work and someone from a mobile communications provider manages to get through to me. What inevitably follows is an extremely irritating exchange along the lines of;

Them: Hello, Are you the person responsible for your Company Mobile Contracts?

Me: Yes (in a very grumpy/annoyed/disinterested tone - my heart has literally just sunk that one of these leeches has actually managed to get through to me).

Them: How are you today, did you have a great weekend - what did you get up to, did you get out in the sunshine at all?

Me: Erm, not much! (I'm instantly infuriated by the small talk and am thinking "Get to the point pest - stop pretending like we're friends or something").

Them: Anyway sir, let me introduce you our company.  We can save you money on X. Y, and Z.

Me: We're in mid contract on everything you could support us with at the moment so we're not looking/able to change anything right now.

Them: Do you mind if I ask who those contracts are with and when they would be up for review?

Me:  I tell them - usually not the correct date so I can get these insects off my back for as long as possible.

Them: Can I ask how many mobile devices you have on the contract?

Me: Roughly X amount (now really struggling to hide my growing irritation that I have not managed to get rid of them yet - although I have been known to simply hang up at this point).

Them: Ah I see, and what about your landlines, and broadband connections.  Can I ask you when you would be looking at those contracts.

Me: As I mentioned, I'm not in a position to get into this now.  I get a large volume of calls of this nature and I simply don't have the time respond to them all or get into a lengthy dialogue on the subject.  So I'm going to have to end this call now thank you.

Them: Well can I send you an email with my details and some information that you can review?

Me: OK then! (Now losing the will to live)!!

Them: Great, so what's your email address please?

Me: I tell them

Them: I'm sorry, could you spell your surname please?

Me: OK

Them: And does that have a hyphen or a dot in it or is it all one word?

Me: All one word.

Them: That's great, well thank you for you time.  I really hope we have the opportunity to work with you in the near future. Our organisation is partner to some major brands that could really benefit you, and our current customer base includes X, Y, and Z!  I'll send these details over to you now.  Let me know when you get them and I'll give you another call in six months or so to review where you are at that time.

Me: Yeah, whatever.

Them: You have a good day now.  Good to talk to you.

Me: Handset replaced - grumpy sigh emitted.  Time to get on with some real work!


Conclusions

I so hate getting collared by people like this.  They waffle on and on and bore me to tears.  They all claim they can't beaten on value, and what they can deliver is unique. 

They all seem astonished that I have no interest in their unique money saving proposals and seem absolutely insulted that I am not rushing to sign up with them immediately.

A good proportion of them just want to waffle on about the bloomin weather or anything else irrelevent and try and act like their my best mate.  I don't even want to talk business with you, so I ceratinly don't want to talk about anything else! 

There must be some way to stop people like this.  Can't we colllect them all up and put them on a remote Island somewhere where there are no communications and they can't waste my time and ruin my day?

I can't believe I'm so old that...

1). Alan Shearer has been retired for 6 years.

2). Friends repeats look dated.

3). Things are going wrong with my body that are never going to recover. :-(

4). I think Radio 2 is great.

5). That people born in the 90s are grown ups!!!!

6). I actually care about what I eat and what I weigh.

7). I frequently tell my Son that when I was a boy there were only 3 TV channels and you couldn't choose what to watch and when you wanted to watch it.

8). The Batman franchise has been rebooted since the 1989 version.

9). I own a practical family car.

10). I can't seem to stay up past 10.00pm most nights these days.

11). I think it's a shame that people don't dress up for an occasion anymore and that jeans are acceptable for most situations.

12). The space shuttle fleet is being retired.

13). It's nearly 2015 and I'm a little disappointed in the progress of the human race that we are nowhere close to the technology imagined in Back to the Future Part 2.

14). Euro 96 was 15 years ago????!!!!

15). The Candi Stanton song "You've Got the Love" has been covered about 50 million times since the original version.

16). The effects in Titanic actually now look a little primitive in places.

17). Star Trek The Next Generation actually finished 18 years ago.

18). Doctor Who is back and is actually cool and not geeky. (I don't watch it by the way).

19). White Dog Poo has died out.

20). You can no longer get Ringos, Toffos or Tudor or KP Crisps.

Am sure I will think of more. Let me know yours on Facebook.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Viruses!

Louise got a pretty nasty virus on her laptop yesterday.  It was one of those ones that tries to fool you into thinking you are already infected and con you into clicking to install some software to remove it.

This particular little b*gger was called Win 7 Total Security

When something like this happens, it always makes me think of the following points;

1). Why do the heartless, gutless little nimrods who ruin peoples lives by creating such evil - not put their talents to better use and work for Microsoft or Apple or Cisco or something?  They are obviously clever enough to get a really good and well paid job.  I don't understand why they devote themseleves to creating chaos instead of doing something genuinely useful and being paid well for it?  People like this should be handed over to Jack Bauer from 24 and made to feel pain for a very long time as far as I am concerned!!!

2).  What is the bloody point of forking out for Anti Virus Software.  I have come to the conclusion that all Anti Virus packages are essentially useless, and a waste of quite a lot of money.  Even if they are updated regularly - most of them are still totally inadequate and unable to protect your computer from everything that could threaten it.  And when these packages do detect a threat - half the time they are incapable of cleaning or removing it entirely from your system.

And if you can't use your Anti Virus software to clean your computer - what do you do next?  Chances are you need to find and delete infected files and registry entries, and use advanced tools such as HijackThis and MalwareBytes.  Your average home PC user probably does not have the confidence to start messing around in the registry, and unlike Louise, not everyone has the good fortune to be married to an I.T. Professional. 

3). Cleaning up infected PC's has actually become one of my few real raw talents.  I am not someone who was blessed with any sort of natural confidence, and I have always considered myself pretty average at everything I do.  I have never really been the best at anything ever in my life, and have frequently found myself in the company of people who seem to be several steps ahead of me in terms of their understanding of the wide variety of technology that we work with in this field.

They seem to instantly and instinctively know and understand everything whilst my brain is struggling to keep up.  I always get there in the end - just more like in a Joey from Friends fashion though. :-)

When it comes to viruses and malware though - I just seem to know what to do, and I can only think of 1 occasion where an infection defeated me and I ended up having to reload that particular laptop.

Conclusions

1). Viruses are very bad things created by even worse people who deserve to suffer terrible, unbearable and prolonged pain.  I would personally start by pulling out their toenails!

2). Be careful out there in the big bad internet.  Don't presume that everything presented from a Google search is safe.  This is such a common mistake.

3). Watch out for suspicious emails.  If you have the slightest doubt about one - delete it.  Particularly watch out for Phishing scams and never - ever give any personal details (especially Bank details) if asked.  These are never genuine requests.

4).  Keep your computer up to date.  I know you users find Windows updates irritating, but they are important, and provide vital protection from a number of vulnerablilities and threats.

5). Although I have just pretty much slated Anti Virus software and described it as useless - I guess I still have to recommend that you have it and keep it up to date.  It does protect you from alot of basic threats - even though it can never be fully up to date or keep up with everything out there, and it is pretty useless at cleaning or removing advanced infections from your PCs.

6). Don't beat yourself up if you get a nasty virus.  You can take all the precautions in the world and sometimes it is just going to happen.  Even reputable websites occasionally get hacked. 

7).  If you don't know what you are doing, then don't mess around.  Seek professional help when trying to remove serious infections from your computer.  You could do more harm than good by trying to repair the damage yourself if you don't understand what you are doing.

8).  If you are not an IT Professional, then try to either become one, or marry one.  It could be the best move you ever make! :-)

That's all folks! :-)

The Apple waiting game.

In my 20 years as an I.T. Professional, I cannot recall ever being so excited about a particular organisation and its products. I am now a true believer in Steve Jobs and his Apple Empire.

It wasn't always the case though. A little over 12 months ago, I still viewed Apple very much as the enemy purely out of habit - I knew no different. I had always loathed everything they stood for because they made no effort to fit in, and their products were aimed at a bunch of clever clogs Graphic Designers and Developers who worked in cool studios instead of dull offices, and they got away with having beards, not wearing ties, wearing cords, all the while probably having a lot more fun at work than I was!

However, times have changed and Apple are very much in the mainstream these days as you will know (unless of course you have been living under a rock). They can still be stubborn in many ways, but they are usually proved right. They stopped putting floppy drives in Macs and there was an uproar - that just seems silly now. Today, they refuse to allow Flash on their ios devices as they believe it to be buggy, processor draining, proprietary rubbish. I once would have viewed this stance as arrogance, but now I am patiently waiting for them to be vindicated, and for Flash to politely go away and expire at the earliest opportunity.

One of the difficult things about being a modern day Apple devotee though, is knowing when to buy your Apple product. For example, I bought the iPad with some Christmas money. I had to buy it immediately for two reasons. Firstly, I wanted it so bad I just couldn't wait, and secondly becuase I knew the money would disappear elsewhere if I waited for the rumoured iPad2 launch this year.

As it turns out, the iPad2 has now been released. Now in the case of the iPad I am not too disappointed that I didn't wait as the only real difference is that it is a bit thinner, a bit faster, and it has two cameras. The only feature that I would have quite liked would have been the front facing camera so that I could enjoy Facetime and Skype video on the iPad as opposed to the smaller and less appropriate iPhone. But it's certainly not the end of the world and I don't love my iPad1 any less as a result.

However, the current iPhone situation is a little more troubling right now. My wife Louise has just come to the end of her iPhone 3GS contract. Now at this point, I have to give Louise some credit as she was the first iPhone user in our family. I frowned at her choice at the time as I proudly clung on to my Blackberry Bold, but her decision has proven to be a very very good one, and at least three other members of our family now have iPhones - including myself.

As things stand, Louise is the only one still using a 3GS, the rest of us have the iPhone 4. However, much the same as it was for me with the iPad1 vs iPad2 debate, she has never felt that the 3GS and the 4 were different enough to be concerned about this.

Now that she is out of contract however, she is being bombarded with calls and texts from her mobile provider, who seem absolutely desperate to give her the iPhone 4 and lock her into a shiny new 18 month contract. What's the problem with that you ask?

Well, the people who seemed to know that the iPad2 would be released in March 2011, are all now saying that the iPhone 5 will be released sometime between June and September this year. They are also suggesting that the iPhone 5 will be a completely new design. These are only rumours of course, and with Apple - nothing is ever truly confirmed until you see Steve Jobs standing on a stage holding it. Nevertheless, the people in the know were correct about the iPad2.

So for this reason, despite the protestations of o2s contracts department, we have decided to put Louise on a rolling 30 day contract on her trusty 3GS, and wait for a few months and see what unfolds. It's very tempting to go for the iPhone 4, but can you imagine how disappointing it would be to get to June and see the iPhone 5 released, and be locked into a lengthy iPhone 4 contract.

All in all, a tricky dilemma - but for the time being, I think the correct decision has been made. Time will tell I guess, but in conclusion, it would be nice if Apple could either be a bit more transparent about their product life cycles, or simply not update their products so frequently as it does make such decisions very difficult to make.

Where has all the great music gone?

Flicking through the music channels in the absence of anything else to watch on TV has always been a favourite pastime for me.  Recently though, I have found myself skipping through the 20 or so music channels and not being able to find a bloomin thing that I want to listen to.  So, in true Grumpy I.T. Bloke tradition, I feel a list coming on.  Here are a few random thoughts about the current state of the music business;

1) Where has all the rock gone?  Why is there not a current equivilent of Bon Jovi?  Do people not want to listen to rock anymore. If not, why not???  I can't really think of a current popular rock band.  Kings of Leon maybe - but they aren't in the same league as a Bon Jovi or a U2 or a Metallica or a Def Leppard shall we say?  Where is all the gravel now?

2) I hate cheerful songs.  Examples; The Kooks - She moves in her own way; and that current one I don't  know the artist but the chorus goes like this; " I don't care what the people may say, what the people may say about me" or something like that anyway!  Anyway, irritatingly cheerful.

3) I hate melancholy songs.  Example; Adele - Getting a bit tired of everyone getting so carried away about her. Enough said!

4) I love rock - did I mention that already?

5) I hate R&B - especially if it involves a collaberation, and especially if the collaberating guest spins around like a twit alot and wears a silly little trilby.  Trilbys were for Grandads to wear with their tweed jackets for goodness sake! :-)

6) Does Rhianna ever not have a single out?  Does she ever have a break between albums?

7) I love a bit of Gangster Rap.  It has to be hardcore though - example; Jay-Z 99 Problems, or a more current example; Wretch (I think he's called) and the song is called Traktor (i'll ignore the bad spelling of tractor as I love the song).

8) Mikka puzzles me. I heard him on that Live Lounge a couple of years ago covering something proper, and the bloke can actually sing, so I wonder - why does he waste his talent by screaming out that novelty rubbish?  I guess it's for the kids? :-)

9) Producers. I don't get why a handful of them are celebrated the same way that artists are.  Example - Mark Ronson and that David Guetta bloke.  Rhianna sings on that David Guetta track but it is still "David Guetta featuring Rhianna".  Why?

10) People who suddenly appear as if out of nowhere.  On the subject of David Guetta - I looked him up and he's a year older than me.  Where has he been all this time? Why now?  Why haven't I heard of him before?

11) Anything other than songs on the music channels.  Why are there films on the music channels?  Why can I also "Keep up with the Kardashians"?  And what the heck is Gonzo?  I thought he was a bloke but suddenly Alexa Chung seems to be Gonzo instead?  I just want music!

10)  Glee.  Don't get me started.  Don't Stop Believin was one of my favourite songs.  It was cool.  It was the last piece of music ever featured on The Sopranos - that's how cool it was. Glee have absolutely ruined it for me, and I don't think i'll ever forgive them. :-)

11) Multiple Collaberations.  It's confusing enough knowing who's song it is when there are two participants, but when it comes to three I just give up.  Why is it necessary to have Timberland, featuring Justin Timberlake, featuring Nelly Furtado, or more recently - Dr Dre, featuring Eminem, featuring some new woman I've never heard of.  Too confusing.

Seriously though, I think what is currently available in the music world is sadly very lacking compared to some great decades gone by - my Father in Law would probably cite Crosby, Stills, & Nash at this juncture and I think he has a point  Where are the likes of Simon and Garfunkel these days too?  To mention some other decades, The 80's wasn't everyones cup of tea i'll admit, but I loved it.  The 90's had some amazing music too.  I would cite some further examples but I would be on all day (maybe that's for another post).

By comparison I just feel that the last decade has been very grey and one dimensional.  If you aren't one of the endless bands called The Fray, The Feel, The Kooks, The whatever else that all sounds the bloomin same, or one of the endless list of participants in R&B trilby wearing collaborations, then it seems there isn't a place for you in music any more, and that makes me a bit sad.

That's all I can think of for the moment! If anything else bothers me I'll let you know! :-)

Peter Rising Dislikes this!

I sometimes feel like all I do is moan on this Blog (not that I have blogged much lately I hear you complain), but the title is Grumpy I.T. Bloke so I feel I must live up to my name.

So here is a rant about my top 10 things that really wind me up about Facebook;

1). Cryptic Status Updates.  When people put things in their status, and don't fully explain what they mean.  For example I have seen such things as "Hmmmmm", or "Someones coming off my Christmas card list".  How the bloomin heck I am supposed to know what you mean, or who you mean???  Be clearer!!!

2). Copy and Paste this as your status.  So many people do this, and what the heck is the point?  What good does it do?  A friend of mine put the below text in his status the other day as an obvious protest about the frequency of such nonsense and I had to laugh, as some of the things we are asked to repost sometimes are laughable;

PLEASE put this on your status if you know someone, or are related to someone who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and they can breathe fire. 93% of people won't copy and paste this, because they haven't been eaten by dragons or don't believe in dragons. 6% of people ...are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers, whilst the remaining 1% are awesome and will repost this

3). Event Invites, Group Invites, and Cause Invites. Oh My God, Just leave me alone.

4). Asking to be friends with a very minor celebrity.  OK, being added to the friend list of someone who had 2 lines in Frasier about 16 years ago isn't in any way cool or clever.  Look at their friend list.  They have over 5000 friends.  It is not impressive in any way that you are one of them. They do not know you and do not care about you.

5). Deactivating and Reactivating your account.  Either be on Facebook or don't.  Just make up your bloomin mind!

6). Checking in.  It is slightly interesting to know that someone is at a particular restaurant or at the cinema.  However, why do I need to know when someone is at a garage, or on a bridge, or at Asda, on their sofa, or even has gone to bloomin bed?  Too far people!

7). Linking to Youtube.  To be fair, I have been known to do this myself to a certain extent if I like a particular song and want to share it.  However, the way it annoys me is when people almost seem to want recognition for their musical taste, almost as if they discovered the artist themself.  It's as if they are saying, look at this obscure non mainstream act that I know about and you don't.  Aren't I clever for knowing about this. 

8). Posting a backwards status.  This one crops up often and it is just unbelievable.  It basically is a piece of backwards text saying "lets see how many people figure this out and repost it as their own status".  Sigh!!

9). Farmville and the like.  OK, I hid Farmville a long time ago as I was sick being asked about it, and Texas Holdem Poker, and Bejeweled Blitz.  No sooner have you hidden one than 5 more such things appear though.  Fortune Cookies for example.  I just don't care!!

10).  Whining about change when a new version of Facebook is launched.  Honestly, the outrage whenever there is a new verison is astonishing.  Change happens, change is good.  Just embrace it!

And that's that.  Rant over.  I do love Facebook though - honest :-)

Before and After!

Louise starting Slimming world last year has turned out to be an incredible catalyst for weight loss and healthy eating throughout our family, not excluding myself.

Last night Louise hit the 4 stone marker, and by a bizarre coincidence I hit the 2 stone marker on the very same day.  When I put these two pictures together though (the first taken on 16th September last year, and the second taken today), I have to say I was stunned at the difference in my appearance.

The pic taken today clearly illustrates that it is haircut time again however.  It's looking a bit helmety and lego man like again isn't it! :-)